


You Don't See Me

by jessa_anna



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Music, Background Relationships, Friends to Lovers, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-03
Updated: 2015-10-03
Packaged: 2018-04-24 13:26:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4921315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jessa_anna/pseuds/jessa_anna
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Merlin is in love with Arthur but can't find the words to tell him. He finds the words in his music, which just might be the best way for Arthur to listen.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Don't See Me

**Author's Note:**

> This is originally off of a kinkme prompt that I lost. (If anyone recognizes it, let me know. I'll link it).

_This is the place where I sit_  
_This is the part where_  
_I love you too much_

 

Merlin’s voice echoed in the half-empty room. He had hoped there would be a bigger crowd tonight, Arthur had assured him that all his friends would be there, but instead there was only open seats in front of him and a few people chatting next to the bar. If he weren’t performing, he probably would have called Arthur and bitched him out about breaking his promise. As it was, he used the frustration and the anger and even the little bit of lust that always simmered in his gut when he thought of Arthur into the song.

 

********

 

_Is this as hard as it gets?_  
_'Cause I'm getting tired_  
_Of pretending I'm tough_

 

“We have to go to his next show,” Arthur said. “I promised him we’d be at the last one, and you lot convinced me to go to a movie instead.”

“So?” said Gwaine, “Didn’t you have fun at the movie?”

“I did, but Merlin looked so disappointed when I came back. I don’t want to see that look again.”

Leon rolled his eyes at Percival, who stoically kept silent. 

 

********

 

_I'm here if you want me_  
_I'm yours, you can hold me_  
_I'm empty and aching and_  
_Tumbling and breakin'_

 

The bar was bigger this time, and it was crowded with people. Arthur, Leon, Gwaine, Percival, Elyan, and Lancelot all sat at a table off to his right. He could see the bright lights shining down on Arthur’s golden hair as he laughed at some comment Gwaine had made. Merlin didn’t let it distract him. Instead, he poured a little more of his soul into singing.

 

********

 

_'Cause you don't see me_  
_And you don't need me_  
_And you don't love me_  
The way I wish you would  
_The way I know you could_

 

Merlin’s song still rang in Arthur’s head as he followed the group back to their dorm building. Something about it made it rattle through his body and take up residence in his blood. It was like it was written for him, but he knew better. Merlin had been his friend forever. Neither of them wanted anything more.

 

********

 

_I dream of worlds_  
_Where you'd understand_  
_And I dream a_  
_Million sleepless nights_

 

“That song is amazing,” the woman said, coming up to Merlin as he put away his guitar. 

“Thank you,” Merlin said. 

“It needs to be on the radio,” she said.

Merlin looked up at her and felt his insides curl into a little ball. Her green eyes were steely, and he could tell that if she were an animal, she would be some kind of predator. As it was, he thanked his lucky stars that he was gay. 

“I hope it will be one day,” he said, barely keeping his voice from squeaking.

She smiled, tossed her long black hair over her shoulder, and handed him a card. 

“Call me,” she said.

Merlin looked down at the card. _Morgana le Fay, Head of A &R, Camelot Records _ it said.

 

********

 

_I dream of fire when_  
_You're touching my hand_  
_But it twists into smoke_  
_When I turn on the light_

 

Merlin sang the song into the microphone while the background music played over his headphones. The producer, Gwen, had only added a bit of piano, a little bit of drums in the climax of the song, and a few backing vocals. All in all, it was perfect.

The last note rang, and he took off the headphones.

“How was that?” he asked.

“Perfect,” said Arthur. He had come into the studio with Merlin supposedly to keep him company while getting some accounting homework done, but his books had long ago been abandoned on the floor. Instead, all he could do was stare at Merlin, at his dark hair bent over the microphone and his mouth forming the words that Arthur had never, could never, forget. 

 

********

 

_I'm speechless and faded_  
_It's too complicated_  
_Is this how the book ends,_  
_Nothing but good friends?_

 

“And now, Merlin Emrys, with his hit song _You Don’t See Me_ ,” Jimmy Fallon said.

Merlin took a deep breath, smiled, and began to sing. It wasn’t hard to imagine his golden head in the audience.

 

********

 

_'Cause you don't see me_  
_And you don't need me_  
_And you don't love me_  
_The way I wish you would_

 

“You’re listening to this again?” Gwaine said as he stretched out on Arthur’s bed.

“Of course,” said Arthur, “It’s Merlin.”

Gwaine snorted and mumbled something, but he had pulled Arthur’s pillow over his head. Arthur concluded that whatever he said wasn’t important.

He turned back to his essay and turned up the volume on the computer. 

 

*********

 

_This is the place in my heart_  
_This is the place where_  
_I'm falling apart_

 

“So Merlin, tell us about this amazing song,” the TV host said. Merlin thought her name was Kelly or Kathy or something like that. It was hard to remember after all the shows he had been on, all the places he had sang. 

“Well, it’s a song that I wrote a few years ago and have been playing ever since,” he said.

“Is it true that you were found by Morgana le Fay in a dingy bar?”

“Yes,” he said. He related the story of how he had been discovered. He shared some more jokes and witty stories with the host, playing the part of a good guest. But then she asked the question he was always asked, the one he never answered.

“So who is it about?”

He smiled and shook his head. “That’s one secret I’ll never tell.”

 

********

 

_Isn't this just where we met?_  
_And is this the last chance_  
_That I'll ever get?_

 

Arthur stretched out on his bed and let Merlin’s voice wash over him through his earbuds. Part of him hoped that Merlin was singing about some faceless, nameless person, someone neither of them had met. That way, he would have no reason to be jealous. A bigger part of him, the part that became louder and louder with every listen, hoped and prayed that it was about him. Because every time he heard the words, every time they brought back the first time Merlin and he had met, Merlin standing up for some kid that Arthur had told off in their dorm hallway, and every time they brought back any and every other memory of Merlin, Arthur knew that the ache in his heart, the ache he had felt the first time he heard the song, was for Merlin and Merlin alone.

 

********

 

_I wish I was lonely_  
_Instead of just only_  
_Crystal and see-through_  
_And not enough to you?_

 

The theatre was packed. According to his agent, this tour, small as it was, had sold out within a week. He wasn’t sure if he believed her. It was almost too much, the instant fame and fortune. Part of him was waiting for someone to tell him it was all a joke, that nothing had come of it. But then his manager said it was time, and he walked out onto the stage.

Arthur was here. Merlin saw him in the crowd, in the front row, along with the rest of their friends. Lance had his arm around Gwen. Merlin smiled at them, happy that his instinct to introduce the two after one of his recording sessions had paid off. He smiled at them, and then let himself be swept away by the music, by his music. Still, when the show was ending, he couldn’t help himself. He sang the song to Arthur and only Arthur.

 

*********

 

_'Cause you don't see me_  
_And you don't need me_  
_And you don't love me_  
_The way I wish you would_

 

Merlin looked at him during the song, their song, as Arthur had begun to think of it. At some point, he should have looked away, glanced at another section in the audience. But his gaze held Arthur’s eyes for the song’s entirety. And Arthur knew.

 

********

 

_'Cause you don't see me_  
_And you don't need me_  
_And you don't love me_  
_The way I wish you would_  
_The way I know you could_

 

The guitar tech took away Kilgharrah, Merlin’s guitar, as soon as he was off of the stage. For once, Merlin was glad to let it go. It had been hard enough, all those months ago, to actually write the song. Singing it to Arthur was excruciating but thrilling torture. 

He didn’t have to wait long for the gang to find him backstage. Gwen immediately squealed and hugged him. Lance told him how amazing he was. Gwaine patted him on the back and asked if he had any groupies yet. Elyan and Percy were willing to talk a bit more about the technical aspect. But when Arthur walked up to him, everyone else faded away. 

“Merlin,” he said, his voice rough.

“Hi, Arthur,” he breathed. 

“Was it?” Arthur asked.  
“Yes.”

Arthur smiled. His hands cupped Merlin’s head and suddenly they were kissing. For Merlin, it felt like the world was spinning, spinning way too fast. Then Arthur made a soft sound, and the world slowed. 

_And I’d give up forever to touch you_  
_‘Cause I know that you feel me somehow_  
_You’re the closest to heave that I’ll ever be_  
_And I don’t want to go home right now_

The lyrics slid into his mind, and Merlin smiled into the kiss. Yet another song to dedicate to Arthur.

**Author's Note:**

> Song lyrics used are ["You Don't See Me" by Josie and the Pussycats](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bYBIVeCd090) and ["Iris" by the Goo Goo Dolls](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NdYWuo9OFAw)


End file.
